but nothing comes to mind.
i'm kind of a mess, but not in a bad way. usually mess automatically denotes negativity but i'm just feeling all over the place and mixed up and confused, not anywhere near negative.
i'm a complete cello whore however, which is good considering i have to spread my cello ass cheeks all over this country for college in a couple months.
yesterday gabe had a party, it was fun, it reminded me of the summer, except for when me and carpo got really high in my jacouizzi and i was partially molested by ryan while shelli and claire were crying and so out of disgust i ran to the swing and chain smoked with alex while he spoke gibberish. and to think we'll all have to grow up some day.
i had a faint memory of early summer today which made me feel warm. it was when me and abram were alone one night so we went to westwood, jerrys to be exact, and we sat and he finagled with the waitor and i ordered carrot cake and got drunk off vodka that i was coveting in a water bottle and it was like a rollercoaster. and then we went back to his house and got high and watched indianna jones and i was cold and cuddled under the blanket.
i need more cigarettes, motivation, and effort. the last two go hand in hand i'm convinced.