today school was extremely intense. i didn't go to class 4th period through 7th. i was stuck in a weird dream like state of crying hysterically and hating everything about being where i am right now.
i don't hate anyone, it's weird that some thought i would. if anything i feel thankfull to have such passionate friends who will get this bothered and emotional about my actions. they're incredible, i almost wish i had an addiction so i could utilize the amazing powers of intervention my friends have.
p.s. that wasn't me being casual about the severity of an issue
anyway so we spent a lot of time talking things out and figuring how to make life work. and it's settled, and after a dramatic "i'm that person" we arranged that i'll see Father J once a week and tell him everything as long as he keeps confidential. which I actually think is good. if he thinks i have a problem he'll tell me. he told me today i didn't. he then gave me an alalogy of how my drug can be like sex...i was noticablly uncomfortable.
i had coon eyes for most of today. it didn't rock as much as i'd love to say it did.
i understand a lot better where people are coming from about concerned. it was educational. i didn't know it could get as personal as it did and im sorry and thankfull. and sorry. so sorry.
but on a completely seperate issue from the events of today, i would appreciate it if words were not said by others, stuffed into my mouth, and then talked about backhandedly. it just makes for a disaster. i'm never blindsighted but i'm pretty sure that was understood. then again, it is so hard to reason with my logic...who could do the things i do? goddd noooneee ahhhh i'm dying butt fuck.
i don't underestimate severity. i have a hard time showing that i comprehend it. i'm no alien.
anna, hillary, caity, magg, colin, meji...sometimes the difference in an atmosphere is frightning. where are your warm eyes. not here, i'm in fucking ass crack los angeles.
again; thank you.