Missing In Action (alkalinemia) wrote,
Missing In Action

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i love myself better than you. i know it's wrong, but what should i do

Actually I don't really feel like homogonizing myself into the perfect person, excuse me for being curious and fulfilling my curiosity.

Today was really good. Me and chrissie got indied up and went to the getty which was a complete mess because we realized we make a mockery out of pretty much everything we can. I'd elaborate on our excellent adventures but my mind is elsewhere.

Tonight was somewhat on the weirder side when I stumbled across an email regarding myself between two of my very close friends. It was kind of a downer. It makes me feel like a douche because whilst I know the principle is right, in the sense that it is completely legitimate to be worried about such a subject, the methods of them carrying out their worries were completely immature and annoying. Especially because it's pretty much the second time i've put all of my trust, every detail of it, into one person who turns around and uses it against me. A lot of things about my personality were critizised which makes me feel moreso that they misunderstand me.

Over-all it's a serious matter, the one they were concerned with and i'm not denying it. I just find it frustrating to read something where people are discussing something they don't know anything the fuck about and not finding it impossible to rationalize, which it is. Also when it's talked about in such a backhanded way, and when people i really care about hear about it through word of mouth and get angry. Despite that it's something destructive and dangerous, it was only a curiosity i posessed that's now fulfilled and there are no habits, nothing tied to me. It's frustrating to have people try and put your life in a box and lead it certain ways when they themselves have destructive habits that i would never talk about with a friend knowing it would be hurtfull.

Either way i consider it educational but nevertheless i remain a strong person, my beliefs in myself are concretely set. I'm thankfull for being stable, i'm thankfull for having a consistant personality especially around others, i'm thankfull for a lot of things i never really realized. Maybe this is why i've been feeling displaced.

Whenever i have a slight problem it blows up and then everyone worries about it for me so much that i can't even begin to think about worrying about it for myself publickly at all. Does this make sense? This doesn't mean i don't worry about it internally.

i adamantly refuse to homogonize.

lets talk about your drug habbits. who's dependent? who's the strongest? who's the most stable? someone get up and say something before i crack.
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